Fred & Hermione
by Amethyst Elann
Summary: Fred & Hermione. George & Luna. Blaise & Ginny. Harry & Pansy. Draco & Astoria.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or its characters.**

* * *

_**Battle of Hogwarts**_

Harry and Ron shuffle under the invisibility cloak out into the hallway in order to get to the Room of Requirement.

"Fuck everywhere you look there's another bloody death eater." Ron mutters after they narrowly avoided colliding with a death eater.

"That is to be expected Ron. We are in the middle of a war here. _Petrificus Totalus_."

The death eater hit the ground with a thud. Before he is able to open his mouth Ron points his wand at him.

"Silencio."

The two boys shuffle a few more feet down the hall, making sure their feet are not showing under the cloak.

"Everyday I'm shuffling."

Harry snorts.

It's been over two months since the Golden Trio had had sleep for more than 4 hours. To put it mildly the three teenagers were on edge, slightly grumpy, and had little to no speech filters.

"You two keep talking and everyone's going to know you're there."

Fred laughs as two sets of middle fingers float in the air for a few seconds before vanishing.

* * *

**George's POV**

It amazes me how so many students and death eaters do not think to look above their heads. I've got Granger in my lap facing me as she fires off spells and curses over my shoulder as I steer the broom.

"Knew you'd warm up to me eventually Granger."

"Conjunctivitis! This the first- Stupefy!- time a girl is pressed against you and not fucking? Stupefy damn it!"

I grin, recklessly kissing her ear as I dodge a wayward curse.

Hermione and I have gotten real close in the last couple of weeks. Upon her, Harry, and Ron's return from only Merlin knows where she was the one who bandaged my head after my left ear was cursed off. On the battlefield of all places. Luna guarded us until Hermione finished her work and took off.

Since then Fred and I have become extra protective of her.

And I have become extra fond of one Miss. Luna Lovegood.

Hermione screeches in my non-existent ear of bandages at the unexpected sharp left and dip.

"I hate fucking flying! Bloody Stupefy! Why won't you stay down!?"

Having only Harry and Ron for company for a couple of months is bound to make anyone's vocabulary nasty.

"How you hanging in there, Mione?"

"Just peachy George. Obliviate!"

That one happens to be her favourite charm. A death eater doesn't stand a chance against a student on the ground if they can't remember the curses to use or why they were fighting to begin with.

I press my mouth against her ear.

"Let's go check on the wandering duo. The students seem to be having the upper hand."

I take Hermione's nod as consent before zooming out of the room.

* * *

**Hermione's POV**

I fucking hate flying! Why did I agree to this? Oh yeah, because it's a fucking good idea. Damn it I hate heights!

I rearrange my sitting stance so I am now behind George, my arm remaining securely around his waist.

We pass over two death eaters on the ground, their angry eyes following us.

"Looks like Ronald and Harry are doing alright." George says over his shoulder.

I smirk. Today's D-Day. I can feel it.

"Stupefy!"

"Protego! Crucio!"

"Confundus!"

George growls as we near Fred's post. I squint, trying to make out who the death eater was. Didn't look familiar.

"Son of a bitch."

I rest a hand against George's shoulder, reminding him to remain silent.

Fred managed to dodge the crucio curse, but just barely.

George and I lean forward to gain speed towards the two wizards.

"Expelliarmus!"

"Flipendo!"

Fred isn't able to avoid that one.

His body slams against the stone wall with a resounding crack.

George raises his wand as the death eater shouts "Reducto!"

That's when everything becomes slow motion. The only sound I hear is my heartbeat.

The death eater raises his wand at the wall behind Fred, making the large stones explode over Fred in a shower.

I faintly hear George's "Avada Kedavra" before I leap off George's broom, pointing my wand at Fred's unconscious body.

"Wingardium Leviosa. Accio Fred." I say this before I hit the ground.

I hear a scream.

I feel my bones crack.

And then nothing.

* * *

Harry and Ron are jolted awake by Hermione's blood curdling scream.

"FRED!"

They remain frozen in their chairs as Hermione's body bolts into a sitting position from her hospital bed. Wild eyes blindingly scanning the room in search of said person.

A doctor and two nurses rush into her room, blocking the boys' sight of their best friend.

For the past week Hermione had been lying in a coma, healers carefully mending all broken bones and praying her body didn't shut down.

"Two spells at once."

"And to move a body no less."

"Shouldn't have done that."

"So brave!"

Harry and Ron share a look as they both lean against the door frame.

Yes what Hermione did was dangerous.

Yes she nearly killed herself.

Yes it takes a lot of magical capability to move a body.

Yes Yes Yes YES! Let's move on already!

Fred and George scramble into the room.

Rather, George pushes Fred, who is in a full body cast and in a wheelchair, into the room.

"You rang?"

Ron and Harry flock to Hermione's bedside as the St. Mungo's people leave the room.

"Fred?" Hermione's voice is now barely above a whisper.

"He's right here 'Mione." Harry whispers frantically, his eyes suspiciously watery.

Hermione's neck snaps to the side, her eyes drinking in the sight of Fred.

"Fred?"

The cast blinks.

Her eyes meet George's.

"Is he-?"

"Yeah he's gunna be ok. Scrapes, bruises, and a couple bones in places that they're definitely not supposed to be in but he still has a functioning penis so I'm gunna say he's top notch!"

Fred growls.

Hermione nods, grimacing as she lies back against her pillow. Each hand is gripped by Harry and Ron. She glances at Harry. "Did you?"

"Yes. He's finally gone Hermione. He won't be coming back."

"Good."

She turns to Ron. "How long have I been here?"

"Just under a week." He hands her a glass of water.

"And now it's time for all of you to leave so she can rest!" A stern looking nurse commands at the door, a clipboard in hand.

Ron sputters, his cheeks flaming. "But we just got to see her!"

"That is besides the point! All of you shouldn't be here anyways! Now I must insist you leave at once! You can see her again tomorrow."

Harry and Ron rise to their feet at Hermione's nod, each kissing her on the forehead before departing.

Fred begins making grunting noises of protest as George begins wheeling him out of the room.

George rolls his eyes. "Look can't he stay here for a while? His room is right next door and it's not like he's gunna keep Granger up with all his chattering!"

The nurse purses her lips. "That alright with you Miss. Granger?"

"Yes." Hermione whispers, grimacing at the sharp pain in her head at her nodding.

"Fine." The nurse points a gnarled green finger nail at George. "You. Out!"

George sniffs delicately, bringing a small smile to Hermione's face. "I can see when I'm not wanted. I'll be in the waiting room until visiting hours are over Fred." He pats his brother's bandaged head before walking out of the room.

Seeing that Fred was going to be beside her bed, Hermione sighs softly before fully relaxing against her pillow. Her eyes remain fixated on the body cast in the wheelchair.

The nurse shakes her head at the ginger boy before looking over at her two patients. "Press the buzzer if you need anything. Welcome back Miss. Granger."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or its characters.**

* * *

"That's it?! Just like that you're leaving?!"

"Hermione I can't take this anymore. This relationship is going nowhere."

"So naturally you take me out to lunch, in a very public area I might add, to break up with me."

Hermione crossed her arms as she fumed at the flushed man sitting across the table from her. She and Christopher had been dating for a month after she was allowed to leave St. Mungos. They had been going out on dinner dates, movies, walks, shopping trips, all normal stuff that couples do. She didn't know anything was wrong until now.

"Better than doing it at the Burrow."

"So why are you breaking up with me? What aren't you happy with about us?"

Christopher ran a hand over his jet black hair, his blue eyes avoiding Hermione's face. "This relationship is like we're in the Hogwart's dormitories. Cuddling, a quick make out session here, a kiss and hug there. We are never alone! I thought our relationship would pick up once you were out of the hospital but even then it's been…" He waves a hand in the air looking for a word. "PG. Some days I'm lucky to get you out of G."

Hermione's eyes narrow. "I was in a coma after damaging my spine you nitwit, which I am still recovering from by the way. So forgive me if I'm not in the mood to be thrown against a wall while you hump me." She sips her tea. "As for us never being alone that's not my fault."

"You never want to stay at my place. Our indoor dates always have to be at your place and Fred and George always join us."

Hermione scoffs. "Have you seen your place? It's a garbage dump. Last time I went there I stepped on a dead mouse! And all you did was kick it to the side!"

"And the twins?"

"It's their freaken apartment! I can't kick my roommates out of their own flat!"

"They are purposely there when I come over."

"They come home after work. It's a pretty typical thing for an adult to do after a busy day."

Christopher snorts. "Yeah. Being able to make a potion that turns your hair into moss is hard work."

"You really need to get over that. The moss disappeared after a couple of hours."

Christopher rolls his eyes before rising from the table. "Look I gave it my best shot. Owl me when you finally decide you're an adult and are ready to move into your own flat."

* * *

Hermione fumes as she walks up the path leading to the Burrow, muttering insults under her breath.

Christopher had struck a nerve.

Fact of the matter is, Hermione hated being alone. She couldn't stand the thought of finding a flat by herself. She moved in with Fred and George after she left the hospital. In the past month the three of them had become close, helping each other with their physical injuries. For Fred and George she made sure to change the bandages and gauze daily, sometimes hourly, and helped out with their shop. For Hermione they helped with her physio- therapy and made sure she didn't strain herself.

She liked living with the twins, they were much better living companions that Ron and Harry were during the war and she enjoyed getting to know them. She could even tell who was who just by listening to their voices, something that their own mother was unable to achieve.

Hermione is brought out of her flashback as she enters the Burrow to the sound of one Molly Weasley having a meltdown.

Bill and Charlie were playing chess, Ron and Harry were seated on the couch, and Ginny was draped over a chair fiddling with her braid.

"What do you mean you're not going back to Hogwarts?! What about your education?"

"Mom the war was my education. Besides Harry and I will be starting our Auror training next month."

"Ginny!?"

"I'm going back mom."

"Only cause Blaise will be teaching there." Ron snickers.

"Ginevra under no circumstance are you to sleep with your own professor!"

"Mom!"

"It's indecent! And I for one- Hermione! Oh Hermione darling. Please convince these boys that their education is more important than any Ministry job! After all I'm sure the Ministry would be more than happy to accept you boys once you've finished your education."

Hermione raises an eyebrow before carefully sitting down in a chair near the fireplace. A month had passed and her back would still become stiff at times.

"I think whether or not Ronald and Harry return to Hogwarts is up to them Mrs. Weasley. It's a fine decision if they choose to return to Hogwarts but I'm certainly not going to tell them what they should do."

"You're not?"

Harry elbows Ron in the ribs. "Shaddap. She's on our side."

Hermione smiles gently at them before turning to a befuddled Molly. "Fact is I won't be accompanying Ginny and Luna to Hogwarts either."

Molly's mouth drops.

"Did I hear her correctly Forge?"

"Why I do believe so Gred."

"Twould appear that"

"Our favourite roomie"

"Shall be staying with us after all!"

The twins stroll into the living area with identical shit eating grins on their faces. Just looking at them had Hermione grinning cheekily. They each took an arm chair, George ruffling her hair as he got himself situated.

"Luckily for you two I hate moving."

"But Hermione!" Molly protests, her arms waving about. "You are the brightest witch to ever grace Hogwarts! It'd be a shame to ruin your reputation and not graduate!"

Hermione closed her eyes as Fred's hand went to her neck and began working his calloused fingers over the knots.

"I cannot say that I am overly concerned with my reputation Mrs. Weasley. Fact is I'm tired. And I would much rather spend some time working rather than pulling all nighters with textbooks."

Harry nods his head in agreement. All of them were tired.

"That's nonsense! You always did so well in school-"

"Yes but-"

"And you'll be perfectly safe with Professor McGonagall as Head Mistress."

"I don't want to return Mrs. Weasley."

"Well that's just silly of yo-"

"I. Will. Never. Go. Back."

Everyone in the room freezes.

Ron glances over at Harry nervously. They hadn't seen the look on Hermione's face since the day she had gone to her parents and erased their memories of her.

* * *

**Hermione's POV**

The long nights.

The hexes.

The curses.

The screams.

The copper scent of blood.

Mudblood.

Mom and Dad.

The fire.

The smoke.

The murder.

Neville.

Almost got Fred too.

"I will never go back."

Molly gapes at me like a fish before storming out of the room, shaking her head and muttering under her breath.

I breathe in deeply as Fred's hand continues rubbing my neck and I feel George playing with my hair.

I need to calm down.

"In that case, can I have your textbooks and notes?"

I laugh softly. "Sure Ginny. If you can read my scribbling you can have em."

I glance over at Bill and Charlie to see them hastily return to their game of chess. By the looks of it Bill was winning.

"So you going to join the Ministry as well 'Mione?" Ron asks, running a hand through his messy red hair.

"No. I've accepted a job at Flourish and Blotts for now."

Ron's eyes widen in disbelief. "But that job is so… boring!" He ignores Harry's glare.

"Shut up Ron." Ginny snaps.

Ron doesn't seem to know when to shut up. Or use his head for that matter.

"Well it's true! Nothing eventful happens there. It's just books. No adventure whatsoever."

"Maybe that's what she's going for numb nuts." Charlie mutters as his pawn is set on fire by Bill's bishop.

Harry and George smirk before heading towards the kitchen, no doubt looking for food.

Ron scowls before following them.

Ginny rolls her eyes before returning to her Witch Weekly magazine. The war had been kind on her. Ginny only managed to get her arm broken twice in battle only because she had stolen George's beater bat and waited for death eaters to go running by behind trees and the statues in Hogwarts.

Well that and her infamous Bat Bogey curses.

So many deaths…

"Come back Mia."

I blink twice before glancing up at Fred, his blue eyes watching me in worry.

I cover his hand that is now on my shoulder and smile.

I love it when he calls me Mia.

He has really nice blue eyes.

"I should go apologize to your mom."

"She was butting her nose where it didn't belong."

"When is she not doing that?" I wink as the twinkle comes back into those deep pools of blue eyes.

I carefully rise from my seat, intent on not making my back crack like an old woman's.

* * *

**Fred's POV**

"So where's Mr. Fancy-Pants Christopher?" Ginny asks, tossing her girly magazine aside.

Where is this Christopher indeed?

The git.

"He's no longer in the picture Ginny."

Say wha?

"Really?! What happened?"

"Duh duh duh. Another one bites the dust!" I sneer at Ron as he returns to the room, food spewing out of his mouth as he 'sings'.

"Impeccable timing Ronald. As always." Hermione grimaces. She resumes looking at Ginny, shrugging. "Just didn't work out."

I grin like a fool. "It's because my quick wit and sexy charm have finally won you over hasn't it?"

Hermione sighs mockingly. "Getting there Fredrick. Now if you only had George's face than I'd never be able to resist your advances."

Her smoldering look had Freddie Jr. twitch at the possibilities.

Before her insult kicked in.

Oh snap.

"I knew I was the better looking twin!"

"Shaddap George!"

I narrow my eyes at Hermione as she smirks at me before walking away.

You think George is better looking?

We'll just have to see how you feel about my sexual prowess.

* * *

**Little angsty but meh, what can you do? Next chapter will be humorous. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or its characters.**

* * *

**Fred's POV**

"Nimwit."

"Old-fogey."

"That's two words!"

"It's hyphenated, therefore making it one!"

"George it is one word."

"Ugh fine. Pathetic."

"Quimby."

"Rapscallion."

"That's what you and Fred are!" Hermione cackles.

George and Luna have taken to occupying the couch with Hermione in the arm chair, her legs dangling over the arm. Luna's tucked into George's side, a bowl of grapes resting on her lap. She tosses one into the air for George to catch with his mouth, giggling every time he succeeds. He grins like a fool in love every time she laughs.

"Hello Fred. How was your date with Angelina?" Luna's dreamy eyes still make me edgy.

"She told me Oliver finally asked her to go steady with him." I shrug, flopping into a chair beside the lovebirds. "About bloody time too." I ignore the narrowing of Hermione's eyes. She remains silent as she drinks her tea.

"That's nice."

"You alright with that mate?"

Not really, thanks for asking George.

"Yeah. Any food leftover? I'm starved."

"Should still be some Chinese food left."

"Super."

" 'Mione you're up."

"Stupid."

"Tubby."

"Useless."

I smirk as I wander into the kitchen, propping open the fridge. George and Hermione bonded over coming up with alphabetical insults on a regular basis. I sigh when Angelina's face popped into my head. She and I had been spending more time together; making sure everyone knew when and where we were for dates. Oliver had been dragging his feet too slowly for Angelina's patience so she recruited me to get our friend to snap out of it and commit to her. We've been doing this for the past month and I was getting used to Angelina always being around…

I turn around to find Hermione standing behind me, her hands planted firmly on her hips. Her prefect stance I like to call it.

She raises an eyebrow at me.

I stare back. I never heard her come up behind me. At her 5"9 stature she still has to tilt her head up a bit in order to see my face, me being 6"3 and all.

"Something I can help you with Mia?"

She purses her lips before she mutters a spell under her breath, her body floating in the air so she was now eye level with me. Amber eyes stare into my own eyes. I don't dare blink, even as I feel like she's studying my soul.

Hermione raises a hand and lightly chuffs my chin, her thumb brushing just under my lower lip. "She's a fool Fred." She returns to the ground, giving a crooked smile before grabbing some butter beers from the fridge.

"Hey George! Zarba!"

"That's Arabic!"

"Still counts!"

"What does that mean Hermione?"

"Luna dear, I am calling your boyfriend a piece of shit."

"Oh my."

I remain rooted in the kitchen for a minute before shaking my head, placing a heating charm on my plate of food.

* * *

Hermione hides a yawn behind her hand from her position on the floor. She and Luna had been playing a couple rounds of chess. So far they have been evenly matched. "Good game Luna. I'm going to have to call it a night. I've got the morning shift as St. Mungos tomorrow."

"That's what you get for being the newbie."

"6 months is still a newbie?"

"I'm ready to turn in myself." Luna rises to her feet. She stands less than 5"4, making George appear a giant behind her. He quickly bends down and scoops her in his arms.

"M'lady, allow me to escort you to your flat."

"Thank you good sir. Good night Hermione. Fred."

"Good night Luna."

"Sweet dreams honey. Make sure you check George's stitches before you turn in."

George turns to me. "I'll join you in the morning this time."

I roll my eyes. "That's what you said last night."

Hermione and I share a knowing look as the two disappeared into the floo.

"I give it 6 months before he just moves in with her."

"I can't even imagine not sharing a room with him anymore." I extend my hands to pull Hermione off the floor.

She hops up, squeezing both of my hands in hers. "You'll still have me as a roomie."

I wrap an arm around her shoulders, grinning. "Until a bloke sweeps you off your feet and outta this place."

Hermione snorts, swatting my chest. "Like that'll happen anytime soon. I've got twin pranksters for roommates and then the infamous Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley as best friends. That's enough to scare off any sane wizard to immediately friend zone me."

She leads me to our bathroom. Without being told I shrug out of my shirt. Sitting on the counter, Hermione carefully removes the gauze off my shoulder. "How's it feeling today?"

I flinch at the cold ointment she applies with her finger tips. "It's itchy. Feels like one huge scab that I just want to rip off." Hermione efficiently replaces the gauze and bandages over my stitches.

"It's almost healed. The itching feeling is a good thing."

I turn around, smirking as I press my hands against the counter, efficiently caging her between my arms. I flex the muscles in my arms and grin when a light blush colours her cheeks. No girl is immune to my charms.

"Hello Hermione."

"Hello Fred."

"The offer to kick Christopher's ass still stands."

"I can bitch-slap Angelina if you like."

I laugh, placing my hands on her waist to lift her off the counter. "Not necessary. She and Oliver are meant to be together. Everyone knows that. Oliver just needed some fire under his ass."

Hermione frowns for a moment. "I don't understand why he'd be threatened by you."

I raise an eyebrow in challenge. "That so? I am every girl's dream Miss. Granger. I have my own business-"

"That you share with George."

"I am funny, smart, charming, suave, not to mention." I run a hand down my stomach "my delightful 6 pack of sexiness. And then my skills between the sheets." I grin cheekily, winking.

To Hermione's credit she didn't blush when her eyes rest on my abs. To my surprise she steps forward and runs a finger tip down one side of my abs before another. She looks up at me, before crooking a finger for me to bend over. I oblige.

Her lips barely brush my ear. "Your 6 pack beginning to turn into a 4 pack." I snap to attention at that, looking at her incredulously before looking down at my stomach.

4 pack my ass!

Hermione's face remained expressionless and if I hadn't caught the twinkle in her eyes as she left the bathroom I would've believed her to be serious.

I pull my wand out of my pocket and sent an invisible hand charm after her.

I laugh at her yelp as the hand effectively slaps her ass. I grin at my reflection.

I almost choke on my toothpaste when an invisible hand swats me upside the head.

* * *

**Hermione's POV**

"Please Hermione; it would be so much fun! And they'd never expect it!"

I huff down at my clipboard. It's so typical of Luna to be harassing me at work. Especially about this. I was really hoping she had forgotten about her crazy scheme for the twins.

"Luna I don't know if that's such a good idea. Won't that make it weird between me and the guys?"

"It's not like you've never seen a naked man before. You working at St. Mungos and all."

I sigh as I set papers down at the reception desk. "Please make sure Healer Tang gets this. Thank you." The receptionist nods to me. I turn back to Luna.

"And you want to do this for both of them?"

"Yes. I wouldn't want Fred to feel left out. It is their birthday after all."

I press my lips together. This could be either a really good idea or the worst idea in the world. Come on Hermione, you weren't in Gryffindor for nothing. You survived a war. You can survive this.

"Fine Luna. Nobody is to know about this. Fred and George will need to take an oath."

"I'll see to it they do so before we begin." Luna hugs be enthusiastically, flashing me a dreamy smile before apparating out of the hospital.

I shake my head at her. This is going-

"Healer Granger! You're needed now!"

I pivot on the spot and rush to the end of the hall. Sparks were sizzling out of a teenager, like he had stuck his finger in a plug for too long. This'll be interesting.

I dismiss Luna from my mind.

* * *

**Reviews would be lovely.**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Dip it low**_

"How much you girls charge for an hour?"

_**Pick it up slow**_

"Shake it girls!"

_**Roll it all around**_

"That's our best friend! Stop eye fucking her!"

_**Poke it out let your back roll**_

_Just ignore them Hermione. Focus on what you're doing._

_**Pop pop pop that thing**_

_**Ima show you how to make your man say "Ooo"**_

"You never cease to amaze me with your talents my Mia." Fred drawls.

Hermione manages to hold off her blush at Fred's appreciative smile.

It had been a while since she had given anyone a lap dance. Hermione was surprised that Fred was being so articulate. She'd have thought he'd be plastered before midnight.

Hermione smiles coyly as her fingers slide their way from Fred's knees to his exposed chest. Damn had Quidditch treated him well.

_Focus!_

Hermione was the one who was supposed to be seducing him. Not the other way around.

She pushes her chest against his, running her tongue from his neck to his ear.

Fred shudders, running a hand lightly up her side.

Luna had decided it would be a good idea to put their dance classes to use, hip-hop and salsa becoming their own version of provocative lap dancing.

Their outfits reminded her of Barbara Eden's 'I Dream of Jeannie' costume.

In support of the Gryffindor house, Luna colour coordinated their clothing to be red and gold harem attire.

Hermione's top just managed to support her breasts and keep them from falling out. Her bare midriff was exposed and a thin gold belt rested low on her hips, her red laced thong peeking out every time she pressed into Fred's lap. Luna had charmed her hair to be piled on top of her head, for which Hermione was grateful for. No one ever thought about how much a dancer sweated during a performance.

_Thank God I run every morning!_

Fred's eyes roam her entire body, an eyebrow raising with his smirk at seeing her navel piercing, a small charm of a lioness in gold. She and Luna also charmed a temporary _WWW's girl_ on their hip bone. The twins fell in love with it on sight.

Hermione glanced over at Luna to see her stroking George subtly through his trousers, a wicked grin replacing her usual dreamy smile. Luna had tiny curves and the muscles throughout her body contracted as she danced around George, a constant whirl of movement. George near snapped his neck in order to not miss what she was doing behind him.

_**Dip it low**_

Fred presses an open mouthed kiss just above Hermione's breasts.

_**Pick it up slow**_

Hermione roughly grips Fred's hair, winking as she places both feet back on the ground. She turns around and begins grinding to the floor.

Luna smiles widely at George as she does the splits near his feet.

_**Roll it all around**_

Reaching backward, Hermione grips the arms of Fred's chair.

_**Poke it out let your back roll**_

Pulling in a breath Hermione slowly rolls into a perfect hand stand on Fred's chair, her breasts now hanging in front of him.

Fred growls in delight, his hands reaching up for Hermione's face. Her pouty mouth wraps around his pointer, bopping down once and sucking hard on her way back up.

_**Pop pop pop that thing**_

With a stealth only top training and gymnastics could accomplish, Hermione plops herself behind Fred's head, sitting on top of his chair. Her legs are against his shoulders, pressing him into the chair.

_**Ima show you how to make your man say "Ooo"**_

Fred's panting as Hermione leans forward, pressing her lips against his ear.

"Happy Birthday Fred Weasley." She places a chaste kiss on his cheek.

Fred smiles brilliantly at her, not at all ashamed of his visible hard on. He glances to the side at George. He's got an identical grin.

Drunken cheers sound throughout the bar before the background music resumed playing. A few men looked over at the girls hoping for further dancing.

"Happy Birthday darling!" Luna smacks one on George. No complaints on his end.

Fred possessively wraps his arm around Hermione's leg, his hand rubbing the muscle that was her thigh. "Lucky guy."

"I'm sure Luna would be happy to kiss you as well Fred. I don't think George would like it but-"

"Bloody hell 'Mione!" Ron slouches over, a stupid grin on his face. He has a beer bottle in his hand.

"That was brilliant. How come I didn't get that on my birthday?"

"Luna never thought of it." Hermione smirks, swiping his remaining beer.

Ron chuckles. "Suppose not."

"Best birthday ever!" George slurs, one arm wrapped around Luna as he stumbled over. Reaching Hermione he plants a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "Hermione you nee to…stop covering up your womanly wiles. The school uniform and… mungo shrubs do nothin' fo your titties and cheeks!"

"George!" Hermione admonishes. Luna giggles under his arm.

Harry smacks George upside the head. "That's my mate you're talking about George."

"But we're the birthday boys."

"We can say whatever we want!"

Hermione blushes as Fred rubs his cheeks against her thigh, rubbing the sheer gauze against her skin. "Alrighty time to return to normal attire." Hermione removes her wand from her hair, her 'dancing clothes' being replaced with the white long sleeved shirt, black vest, and jeans that she had originally come in with.

"Awwe shucks." Fred mutters, feeling Hermione slide off the chair so she was once again standing by his side.

"You're not allowed to change!" George points a finger at Luna's face. She giggles and happily agrees.

"Who knew you two could shake what your mama gave ya?" Pansy leers at the two girls as she hands Harry another drink. He gives her a crooked smile as he slips an arm around her waist.

Luna dreamily shrugs. "Hermione and I had taken dance classes together during Hogwarts. I thought it was high time we put our lessons to good use."

"Wise this girl is. So wise. That's why I'm dating her."

Fred snorts. "She's the only one who'd have your ugly mug."

"It's not my mug she's after."

"Enough you two!" Molly bustles over, her cheeks bright red. She glances nervously over at Hermione and Luna. "That was quite the performance girls." She claps her hands in the jolly way she does as she turns her attention to the twins. "Time for cake!"

Fred and George link arms as they stride over to the group of tables where the rest of the family were at.

"Ya think a girl's gunna come popping out of the cake?"

"I wouldn't put it past em. You saw the performance our ladies just gave us." Hermione flushes at the two leers directed her and Luna's way.

"Shaddap and blow the candles. I want cake." Ginny scowls, her eyes devouring the dessert on the table.

"Reign in your woman Zabini!"

"Shaddap!"

* * *

**Hermione's POV**

"Healer Granger, you're needed in room 307 now!"

I stifle a groan. I can't even eat a salad in peace.

I rise, dropping my fork in the wilted lettuce.

I jog down to the room. Two other healers circle a small child with dark red hair and big blue eyes. He looks to be about 4 years old.

I glance over to my right and find George standing there with a stupid lopsided grin on his face. His own baby blues were twinkling with delight.

I feel my blood boil.

"What did you do?"

George's eyes widen as he holds up his hands in mercy. "Nobody got hurt my Mia. See it's like this…. Mom dropped off leftover birthday cake at the flat last night. She had also brought these cupcakes and I thought this would be the perfect time to test our latest creation!"

I rush over to the little boy. He grins cheerfully at me. Raising his arms to me he wiggles his fingers in delight.

"Up!"

The two healers shrug as I look to them for advice. I grudgingly pick up the boy.

"What did George do to you sweetheart?"

"He gave me a cupcake that changed my body."

"What changed?"

"My height, weight, and age."

"How tall were you before?"

"Over 6 feet."

"And how old were you?"

"Freshly turned 26."

I frown, looking closely at the little boy's face. The familiar twinkle…

"Fred?"

"Yes my Mia?"

"GEORGE!"

I gave this 4 year old a lap dance last night.

* * *

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